Heh heh. Remember when I made a big old post about how I was determined to start writing and posting more often, and then I didn’t make a post for a month? Woopsies daisies! I tend to do that a lot, huh. Well, in my defense, it’s been a bit of a messy month. Let me get on my knees and beg for forgiveness explain.
Today’s the big day, folks! It’s Welcome To Hell Zone’s birthday! I’m really proud that I’ve maintained my little slice of the web for a year. I might not have maintained it consistently…but I’m still proud!
I should be doing something mega-special, right? Well, honestly, me resurrecting my blog from the depths of depression hell is probably the biggest tribute I can give. I’ve been slacking lately, but I’m back, baybeeeeeeeeeeee!
Hi! I’m back, potentially, hopefully, possibly, maybe. It’s been a rough few months. Have I mentioned that in every single blog post I’ve made in the past few months? Probably.
Stuff has just been sucking. I haven’t really felt motivated to do…anything. The depression is here in full force, and even though I’ve wanted to write and wanted draw or study or do literally anything, I just haven’t been able to. There’s been some severe executive dysfunction lately. Like, I’ll get home from work and I won’t even have the energy to dedicate to watching anime or playing a video game. I just flip through things on my phone for hours until I fall asleep.
Ah, things. They be quite hard, yeah? I’ve been a bit behind these past few months, due to this time of year being particularly stressful. Now that I’m working a full-time job instead of my usual part-time or seasonal gigs, I’m learning that the end of the year is a bit rough at an office! There’s a lot going on, so I don’t have the time/energy to sneak any writings during my my breaks anymore.
Still, I do want to get back into the habit of writing a little more. To be honest, I was starting to feel a little discouraged – the old jorb was getting me down, my plans for housing fell through, and I’ve been doing that whole “comparing myself to others who supposedly have it better” thing. It’s been a bummer month, to put it lightly. So, I ended up writing about how discouraged I was feeling a few weeks ago.
But, I gotta say, a lot of you guys dropped your own stories about feeling distressed and discouraged, and they made me feel a lot better. Less alone, I guess? So many of you are super great and talented, and to hear that many of you have felt the same way, well…it made me figure I must not be so bad. If the great bloggers and writers I know still have lingering doubts about their abilities, that probably means it’s an unavoidable feeling.
Full disclosure: this post’s less about the anime and more about the me. Well, okay, most of my posts end up being more about myself than anime, but this one’s especially going to be more journal-like. Somewhere along the way, this anime blog became more of a feelings blog, probably because I don’t have as much time to dissect anime as I used to…
I’m fizzling out a bit at the moment. I’ve been thinking a more about why it is I started this blog in the first place. I wrote a big thing on the topic a little while ago, but apparently that wasn’t enough to get out all my thoughts on the subject.
Yeah, I think fiction is important and brings people closer, which is what I wrote about before, but still, was that really what drove me to write in the first place? Yeah, I love doing this and I’m super thankful for the audience I have, but like, damn, I would love to get paid…
A couple weeks ago, I was talking to my boyfriend about why I sit around writing anime essays for fun. Sometimes, when we hang out, I’ll break off to write a little something-something, or I’ll take down a note about an anime we were watching. He mentioned something to me about it, and before I knew it, I was going on and on about how important I thought anime (and fictional media in general) was, what I wanted to accomplish with my writings in the future, and why I love writing and reading about anime. It’s a conversation that I kiiiinda wish I had taken notes on, actually, because it would have really helped me in writing this particular post…
I mean, what we do here is kind of weird, right? We’re writing analytical posts and reviews and episodic diaries about anime and video games and movies, and many of us aren’t even getting paid to do it. Clearly, we must see some kind of merit in all of this, or else we wouldn’t be doing it in our spare time.