Ah, things. They be quite hard, yeah? I’ve been a bit behind these past few months, due to this time of year being particularly stressful. Now that I’m working a full-time job instead of my usual part-time or seasonal gigs, I’m learning that the end of the year is a bit rough at an office! There’s a lot going on, so I don’t have the time/energy to sneak any writings during my my breaks anymore.
Still, I do want to get back into the habit of writing a little more. To be honest, I was starting to feel a little discouraged – the old jorb was getting me down, my plans for housing fell through, and I’ve been doing that whole “comparing myself to others who supposedly have it better” thing. It’s been a bummer month, to put it lightly. So, I ended up writing about how discouraged I was feeling a few weeks ago.
But, I gotta say, a lot of you guys dropped your own stories about feeling distressed and discouraged, and they made me feel a lot better. Less alone, I guess? So many of you are super great and talented, and to hear that many of you have felt the same way, well…it made me figure I must not be so bad. If the great bloggers and writers I know still have lingering doubts about their abilities, that probably means it’s an unavoidable feeling.
Full disclosure: this post’s less about the anime and more about the me. Well, okay, most of my posts end up being more about myself than anime, but this one’s especially going to be more journal-like. Somewhere along the way, this anime blog became more of a feelings blog, probably because I don’t have as much time to dissect anime as I used to…
I’m fizzling out a bit at the moment. I’ve been thinking a more about why it is I started this blog in the first place. I wrote a big thing on the topic a little while ago, but apparently that wasn’t enough to get out all my thoughts on the subject.
Yeah, I think fiction is important and brings people closer, which is what I wrote about before, but still, was that really what drove me to write in the first place? Yeah, I love doing this and I’m super thankful for the audience I have, but like, damn, I would love to get paid…
A couple weeks ago, I was talking to my boyfriend about why I sit around writing anime essays for fun. Sometimes, when we hang out, I’ll break off to write a little something-something, or I’ll take down a note about an anime we were watching. He mentioned something to me about it, and before I knew it, I was going on and on about how important I thought anime (and fictional media in general) was, what I wanted to accomplish with my writings in the future, and why I love writing and reading about anime. It’s a conversation that I kiiiinda wish I had taken notes on, actually, because it would have really helped me in writing this particular post…
I mean, what we do here is kind of weird, right? We’re writing analytical posts and reviews and episodic diaries about anime and video games and movies, and many of us aren’t even getting paid to do it. Clearly, we must see some kind of merit in all of this, or else we wouldn’t be doing it in our spare time.
I don’t usually write series reviews. I’ll write about a series or do a quick first impression post or something like that, but I haven’t done many full reviews. Part of that is because, well…I don’t finish that many series. If I’m not hooked, I’ll drop it pretty quickly. When I do finish a series, I’m usually not that compelled to write about them.
Another reason I don’t write a lot of reviews is because they can feel really stale. At least, when I write them, they do. It’s hard to write about a series objectively, and I usually get bogged down by boring technical nonsense.
Time-management is hard. I never really understood the whole, “there aren’t enough hours in the day” thing until I got a full-time job with an hour commute. There are so many things I want to do, and just not enough time to do them. Even when I do have time to do things, usually all I want to do is sleep. It becomes really discouraging – there are lots of things I want to accomplish, and lots of hobbies I want to pursue, but I just can’t find the time to fit them into my day.
However, though it is a colossally shitty feeling, it’s also a very common one.
Specifically, I feel like the whole, “ew I’m an adult with a life” thing comes up a lot when it comes to fandoms, whether it be anime, video games, music, movies, whatever. You reach a certain point in your life when keeping up with all the trends just isn’t feasible anymore. Maybe you want to make fanart, maybe you want to run a successful blog, maybe you want to make a podcast, or maybe you just want to find the time to watch all of Legend of the Galactic Heroes. Finding time is hard, and it can make you feel like the things you enjoy doing are slipping away, especially if you feel this constant need to keep up with everyone else.
Sometimes you have to take a break from things you love. It’s just how it is. It feels weird, but it’s totally normal, and totally okay.
I’ve seen a lot of hiatus posts that are overwhelmingly apologetic, and I completely understand where they come from. I am very, very bad at letting myself take breaks, and I have a tendency to feel guilty for taking time for myself in any capacity. Which is silly, because, hello! We’re all people! We all need rest! It’s only natural. All that being said, you don’t need to tell apologize or feel bad about all that!