Ninja Scroll Review: How did this manage to make a ninja with a poisonous vagina SO BORING?

Warning! Ninja Scroll is notoriously explicit, in case you didn’t know, so this review/rant will have mentions of violence and rape, because that’s what Ninja Scroll is all about.

I don’t really know why, but I love watching all those exploitative, gory horror OVAs from the 80s and 90s.

Well, let me specify: I love watching them, but I don’t actually like them.

Strangely (to me, anyways), a lot of anime like A-Kite or Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend are hailed as these cult masterpieces that people genuinely consider to be these genius works of art. I do not think they are genius works of art – I think they’re all hot garbage juice. I think these OVAs are generally overly violent, exploitative messes that are trying too hard to be ~mature~. And yet, though I do not particularly like them, I can’t stop watching them. They’re like anime train-wrecks that I can’t stop streaming.

When it comes to the realm of explicit OVAs, it seems that Ninja Scroll reigns king. I had been avoiding it on purpose, specifically because I knew it was well-loved, and it didn’t feel right to purposely hate-watch and unleash my anger on it.

…but, then my boyfriend wanted to watch it, so I was like, >:) okay let’s gooooo!

All that being said, there’s obviously going to be bias here. I’m not even trying to hide it. Please don’t yell at me for being biased. I know I am. And I know that people fucking love Ninja Scroll, but I…well, gee, guys, there’s a lot wrong here. I do love watching people get sliced in half and all that, but…

ninja scroll kagero
Kagero deserves so much better…

Continue reading Ninja Scroll Review: How did this manage to make a ninja with a poisonous vagina SO BORING?”

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A Love Letter To The Mature Psychological Anime of the 1990s/2000s

serial experiments lain 90s anime

I recently started watching 2004’s Monster after seeing it listed on “Best Anime” lists for years. It’s been on my to-watch list forever, and I had been putting it off simply because it’s 74 episodes and I figured that was too big of a commitment. I mean, I hesitate to watch stuff that’s 26 episodes long. I like the feeling of finishing a show and moving quickly on to the next one, you know? It clunks up my completionist goals if I have to commit to an anime for more than, like, ten hours.

I’m about twenty episodes into Monster (my attention span is doing good this time, guys!) and I love it. It’s an atmospheric, perfectly paced psychological horror with some dashes of historical fiction and medical drama thrown into the mix. Maybe a bit of magical realism, too. Oh, AND it’s a mystery. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. The only thing that could make it better would be having some lesbians in there. Which, who knows, there’s still a chance – I have 54 episodes left, after all!

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You know what else is non-existent? Legal streaming of Monster. I’m watching that shit on YouTube in the worst quality…tragic.

Not to sound like a cranky old get-off-my-lawn anime fan (again), but I can’t help but watch this and think, “damn, they don’t make them like they used to.” I generally keep up on seasonals, and I really can’t remember the last time I saw anything with a creepy atmosphere or drawn-out pacing quite like that of Monster’s, or like any of my other favorites from this late 90’s/early 2000’s era, for that matter. I’m talking about eerie, semi-experimental shit like Serial Experiments Lain, Ghost Hound, Ergo Proxy, Paranoia Agent, and others of its kind. Where have all the good psychological horrors gone? Where are all the mature, existentialist seinen series that I love so much?

I guess I should start by defining what it is about these series that I love so much. 

Continue reading “A Love Letter To The Mature Psychological Anime of the 1990s/2000s”

[Insomnia Views] Fake, the gay cop OVA

Finished at: 2:27 a.m.
Summary: The OVA serves as a bonus stand-alone story for the manga, which follows American cops Dee Laytner and Randy MacLean as they fight crime and flirt on each other. The anime features the two going on vacation to England together. Dee intends to use the trip to get into Randy’s pants, but Randy just wants to enjoy some peace and quiet. Turns out they’re both beat – they end up finding a dead body in the lake by their hotel and have to get back to detective work. …that doesn’t stop Dee from constantly trying to fuck Randy, though.
MAL Rating: 6.64
Is this just, like, the gay You’re Under Arrest? I would say yes, except that You’re Under Arrest is already the gay You’re Under Arrest.

Soooo, I decided to take my chances on a yaoi OVA on a sleepless night not too long ago.

Or would you call it a BL OVA?  I don’t understand the differences between shounen-ai, yaoi, and BL. Are they all the same? I thought porn was yaoi, and shounen-ai was not porn? But then again, the term shounen-ai is apparently used for weird shotacon stuff. And I’ve seen anime & manga that didn’t have explicit sex in it be filed under the yaoi genre, too… I’ll just go with calling it BL. I think that’s a catch-all term, yeah? Or maybe it’s something else entirely? Shit.

Whatever. Anyways.
Continue reading “[Insomnia Views] Fake, the gay cop OVA”

Sweet Punishment: I Watched It So You Don’t Have To! [ep 2 + ep 3]

Despite her innocence, Hina Saotome is about to be sent to a prison filled with dangerous(ly hot) men. There she must be punished by a sexy, sadistic guard and be subject to his “heartless yet sweet domination.” This is Sweet Punishment: I Am the Guard’s Private Pet, a short-form, web-only ecchi series. See episode one’s post here.

After complaining about questionable content in anime just a few days ago, NATURALLY I had to follow that up by getting back to the Erotic Prison Slave anime. I forgot that this wasn’t subbed anywhere, so we’re back to my Genki II textbook level Japanese translations…

Continue reading “Sweet Punishment: I Watched It So You Don’t Have To! [ep 2 + ep 3]”

Sweet Punishment: I Watched It So You Don’t Have To!

Despite her innocence, Hina Saotome is about to be sent to a prison filled with dangerous(ly hot) men. There she must be punished by a sexy, sadistic guard and be subject to his “heartless yet sweet domination.” This is Sweet Punishment: I Am the Guard’s Private Pet, a short-form, web-only ecchi series.

Soooooo…you’re telling me everyone’s gearing up for their seasonal episodic reviews, and no one is covering this?? I’m disappointed. Well, don’t worry, I’m so dedicated to making sure y’all can get seasonal coverage of every anime out there that I watched the whole four minute long censored first episode on YouTube with no English subtitles. You’re welcome.

Continue reading “Sweet Punishment: I Watched It So You Don’t Have To!”

Insomnia Views: HenSemi (Spoiler: it’s a bad one!)

Finished at 2:48am on a Thursday. 
Summary: HenSemi tells the story of Matsutaka Nanako, a young woman who joins a college seminar nicknamed HenSemi (short for Hentai Seiri, or Abnormal Physiology Seminar) that’s about weird fetishes. She joins because a guy she has a crush on is in it. Said guy, Komugi, is into things like public masturbation, netorare, and letting other people eat his poop. Naturally, Nanako feels pretty boring and vanilla in comparison, so she tries to step up her own kink game to match his. Usually, she just ends up being grossed out by Komugi and her other classmates. Nice, wholesome entertainment all around.
MAL Rating: 6.61 (OVA) 6.64 (TV)
Did it make you hate yourself? Yes. Yes it did.

If you couldn’t guess from the summary, there’s some NSFW content going on. It’s all below the cut, so be weary!
Continue reading “Insomnia Views: HenSemi (Spoiler: it’s a bad one!)”