This is something I wrote a few months ago that’s a little off-brand for this site. I’m not throwing any anime reactions pictures into this one because…well, it’s not about anime at all. I actually wrote this during a rough patch and wasn’t really sure where to put it. Finally, I’ve decided to post it here. You might not be able to relate to the specifics, and maybe you’ve never seen the shows mentioned here, but I still think that there’s something important here that someone might find themselves in. Trigger warning for depression and suicide mentions, but I promise this is an optimistic post. I’m leaning away from all that doom and gloom these days. Anyways, enjoy this personal slice of my life.
So, here’s something kinda crazy. I think I’m going to be okay.
What made me, someone who has been dealing with depression for a veryyyyyy long time, finally come to this conclusion? Well. I marathoned NBC’s The Good Place today.
That probably sounds like I’m being hyperbolic, right? Like I’m saying, “this show is so good, it will cure your depression!”
Well, I’m not doing that. It’s just what I did today, and it’s what made me realize something very important.
I’m being vague. Let me get a little more specific.
I’m having a very hard time. Sometimes, I forget that I’ve been having a very hard time for a very long time. I’ll have little periods where I’m doing okay, and then I’ll have loooong periods where I’m doing very bad. When I’m doing bad, I lose sight of everything else – I forget about the more lucid times and I forget about the millions of other times I’ve felt bad. More importantly, I forget that I’ve always gotten through feeling bad.
Heh heh. Remember when I made a big old post about how I was determined to start writing and posting more often, and then I didn’t make a post for a month? Woopsies daisies! I tend to do that a lot, huh. Well, in my defense, it’s been a bit of a messy month. Let me get on my knees and beg for forgiveness explain.
Today’s the big day, folks! It’s Welcome To Hell Zone’s birthday! I’m really proud that I’ve maintained my little slice of the web for a year. I might not have maintained it consistently…but I’m still proud!
I should be doing something mega-special, right? Well, honestly, me resurrecting my blog from the depths of depression hell is probably the biggest tribute I can give. I’ve been slacking lately, but I’m back, baybeeeeeeeeeeee!
Hi! I’m back, potentially, hopefully, possibly, maybe. It’s been a rough few months. Have I mentioned that in every single blog post I’ve made in the past few months? Probably.
Stuff has just been sucking. I haven’t really felt motivated to do…anything. The depression is here in full force, and even though I’ve wanted to write and wanted draw or study or do literally anything, I just haven’t been able to. There’s been some severe executive dysfunction lately. Like, I’ll get home from work and I won’t even have the energy to dedicate to watching anime or playing a video game. I just flip through things on my phone for hours until I fall asleep.
The past few daysweeks months have been pretty shitty, and I knew that I needed to figure out a way to get some healing in. One thing I absolutely love to do is go to concerts. Not to sound cliché, but it is an incredible feeling to go to a show and get completely lost in music for a while. The ability to escape is something I need more than ever now that I’m working at an office full-time. The work itself is fine (and something I enjoy doing, even), but the co-workers…I believe Arsene_Lucifer said it best when he commented, “co-workers can be more draining than any evil anime villains.”
So when I saw that Kero Kero Bonito was going to be playing near me, it was like the Lord Herself had shone a beacon right down on me. A peppy, J-Pop inspired band playing songs about flamingos, taking breaks, and bouncing away your problems on a trampoline? That was EXACTLY the kind of escapism I was lookin’ for.
Ah, things. They be quite hard, yeah? I’ve been a bit behind these past few months, due to this time of year being particularly stressful. Now that I’m working a full-time job instead of my usual part-time or seasonal gigs, I’m learning that the end of the year is a bit rough at an office! There’s a lot going on, so I don’t have the time/energy to sneak any writings during my my breaks anymore.
Still, I do want to get back into the habit of writing a little more. To be honest, I was starting to feel a little discouraged – the old jorb was getting me down, my plans for housing fell through, and I’ve been doing that whole “comparing myself to others who supposedly have it better” thing. It’s been a bummer month, to put it lightly. So, I ended up writing about how discouraged I was feeling a few weeks ago.
But, I gotta say, a lot of you guys dropped your own stories about feeling distressed and discouraged, and they made me feel a lot better. Less alone, I guess? So many of you are super great and talented, and to hear that many of you have felt the same way, well…it made me figure I must not be so bad. If the great bloggers and writers I know still have lingering doubts about their abilities, that probably means it’s an unavoidable feeling.
Trigger warning for sexual assault and rape mention. Not only is Perfect Blue an extremely graphic film, but I will also be relating things in the film to personal experiences with sexual assault and how it affected me, which could be unsettling for some. I’m writing something a little more serious and personal than usual, but I hope you’ll still read along because it’s something that I’ve wanted to write about for quite some time now.
Satoshi Kon’s Perfect Blue had a limited return to theaters just this past week, and I was lucky enough to be able to get a ticket. This mind-bending psychological thriller about an idol and her obsessive stalker(s) is considered to be an anime film classic for good reason, and seeing it on the big screen reminded me of how great a film it truly is.
Though it seems like Perfect Blue has a relatively simple premise, the movie itself is far from simple. It has many twists and turns, and does an excellent job of placing the viewer in the muddled mind of Mima as she struggles to figure out who she really is versus the person society/her manager/her fans want her to be.
To be completely honest, Perfect Blue is one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. Though it doesn’t have many stereotypical jump scare moments, the themes tackled in this movie shake me to my very core. The reason for that is, well, I can relate to a lot of the scary situations that Mima finds herself in.
I mean, no, I haven’t ever hallucinated an idol version of myself, and I’ve never had anyone systematically murder people who have come in contact with me. I can’t, like, literally relate. But a lot of the underlying themes of Perfect Blue hit me on a personal level that other horror movies have failed to do.