This is something I wrote a few months ago that’s a little off-brand for this site. I’m not throwing any anime reactions pictures into this one because…well, it’s not about anime at all. I actually wrote this during a rough patch and wasn’t really sure where to put it. Finally, I’ve decided to post it here. You might not be able to relate to the specifics, and maybe you’ve never seen the shows mentioned here, but I still think that there’s something important here that someone might find themselves in. Trigger warning for depression and suicide mentions, but I promise this is an optimistic post. I’m leaning away from all that doom and gloom these days. Anyways, enjoy this personal slice of my life.
So, here’s something kinda crazy. I think I’m going to be okay.
What made me, someone who has been dealing with depression for a veryyyyyy long time, finally come to this conclusion? Well. I marathoned NBC’s The Good Place today.
That probably sounds like I’m being hyperbolic, right? Like I’m saying, “this show is so good, it will cure your depression!”
Well, I’m not doing that. It’s just what I did today, and it’s what made me realize something very important.
I’m being vague. Let me get a little more specific.
I’m having a very hard time. Sometimes, I forget that I’ve been having a very hard time for a very long time. I’ll have little periods where I’m doing okay, and then I’ll have loooong periods where I’m doing very bad. When I’m doing bad, I lose sight of everything else – I forget about the more lucid times and I forget about the millions of other times I’ve felt bad. More importantly, I forget that I’ve always gotten through feeling bad.
Heh heh. Remember when I made a big old post about how I was determined to start writing and posting more often, and then I didn’t make a post for a month? Woopsies daisies! I tend to do that a lot, huh. Well, in my defense, it’s been a bit of a messy month. Let me get on my knees and beg for forgiveness explain.
Sometimes you have to take a break from things you love. It’s just how it is. It feels weird, but it’s totally normal, and totally okay.
I’ve seen a lot of hiatus posts that are overwhelmingly apologetic, and I completely understand where they come from. I am very, very bad at letting myself take breaks, and I have a tendency to feel guilty for taking time for myself in any capacity. Which is silly, because, hello! We’re all people! We all need rest! It’s only natural. All that being said, you don’t need to tell apologize or feel bad about all that!
Hey hey! So, if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know that I was briefly laptop-less. Tragic. My old laptop got a virus while I was trying to find another episode of that stupidSweet Punishment anime that I had been watching on YouTube and writing “reviews” for on here. Even though I got rid of said virus, it was enough to do the ol’ computer in for good. It had been on the fritz for a while, and had been giving me a lot of random memory management errors, and so whatever this virus did must’ve exacerbated the issues the hard drive was already having. R.I.P., old girl.
Needless to say, that series of blog posts have been cancelled…this is also why I only ended up posting one time this week.
But, luckily, I had been saving up for a new laptop for a while because, as I said, I knew my old one was on the way out. I, like, couldn’t even run anything other than my web browser on it without it crashing or freezing up. If anything, I’m thankful the computer lasted long enough for me to get enough money together to buy something better. And now I have something better! Much, much better!
Before I get into the meat of this post, I’m gonna go on a little personal aside: I really, really like writing. I mean, we all like writing to a degree, right? That’s why we’re here, yeah? Deep down, I’ve always wanted to be a writer in some way or another. First, I thought I wanted to write fiction, and then I thought I wanted to write scripts for TV. Then I realized I actually just wanted to write about TV, but it can be really hard to actually land a steady job or even a freelance job doing entertainment writing because, well, there are already critics doing it and there are a million other people trying to get into it, too.